I had been single for a few months before my friend cajoled me into downloading the Tinder app. I was hesitant at first but I had just turned 30 and thought, hey why not. What do I have to lose?
Going to clubs and bars was not really my thing. As much as possible I tried to avoid sweaty drunk males who were only looking to satisfy their needs. I’d rather not be that person. That’s the problem when your dating life starts in your late 20s early 30s. Dating becomes this whole other world. A game. With different rules to different situations. Does the 3 day rule still apply? Did it ever? Is it okay to sleep with them on the first date or not? Should a girl message first? Or will this make us look too keen? These are the questions that run through my mind.
Ever since I was 17 I’ve always been in long term relationships. Previously, it was just a case of ‘I like you, you like me and now we’re boyfriend and girlfriend’. Easy. Now it’s – we’re dating and we’re exclusive but it’s not yet official or we’ve had dinners together, we hug and kiss, we message eachother on a daily basis but we’re not yet dating. So all this is new and very confusing to me.
I’ve asked friends who has been on the dating scene for a while and they all say ‘just be yourself’. So you do. You treat them nicely.. then you get friendzoned. So you change tactic. Treat them mean, keep them keen. You’re labelled as ‘high maintenance’. You cannot win.
I have been ‘seeing’ a guy I met on the Tinder app for a few months now. Let’s call him Z. Z is tall, smart and physically very attractive. So when I first swiped right on him, I didn’t think that we’d be a match. Guys like that like the trophy girls. The ones with the pretty face and cardboard cut-out body right out of a fashion magazine.
Our first encounter was over dinner. I had no idea what to talk about. Heck, I had no idea what to do! So I figured I would play it cool and just be myself. What’s the worse could happen? He won’t want to see me again..and that’s fine. It’s not like there is any emotional investment, so it would be easy to walk away.
Fastforward a few months. Coffee and dinners turned into sleep overs and then… BOOM! Someone had to fall. And that someone was me.
First of all, I’ve had my heartbroken too many times to fall that easily. But Z, he was different. He would do all these boyfriend-ish things, so sweet, so caring, yet he wasn’t my boyfriend. Can you blame me? He told me he didn’t want the ‘boyfriend responsibility’.
But then why? Why go through all the trouble and do all these things that I felt was so easy and natural for him and I and yet not take it one level up? I don’t know. Was he a commitment phobe? Did he get burnt in his past relationship and that’s why he’s like that?
I feel like he likes me too, but im not 100%. So why was it so hard to commit? Maybe he doesn’t like me as much as conjured it up in my head. Its so frustrating to say the least.
I could possibly outright just put it all on the table, and ask the hard question.
But then again, his answer might bring up more questions.
I guess, if I really did want to know the answer, I should ask, right?
But the thing is, once I get that answer, will I stay or walk away altogether?